But She's Bossy

     Everyone has their faults, and maybe mine will be of indefinite suggestion. It's the case with plenty of first children, and even more with female firstborns. I have plenty of friends who roll their eyes, same as me, when someone jokingly rebukes their herding of younger siblings. It's not a big deal. It's an occupational hazard. But if we stop and think about this, we have to remember something commonplace yet forgotten: Anything can be bad in indecent amounts. 
     Maybe it's just my nit-pickiness about words, but when we examine the definition of 'bossy', we might find a slightly different idea than what is commonly expressed. BOSSY: adj. fond of giving people orders; domineering. If you ask most people tagged as 'bossy', they're not going to stop and say "Oh, yeah, I take great joy in distributing commands. That's why I do it." It's more of an idea of being helpful. Synonyms of bossy in a thesaurus are as follows: pushy, overbearing, imperious, officious, high-handed, authoritarian, dictatorial, controlling... etc. All of these imply that someone would resort to rude behavior or abusive language, simply to get someone to do what they want. 
     Granted, there are some people who are truly bossy, but they can overlook this as it does not apply to them. 
     SUGGESTION: noun. idea or plan put forward for consideration. See where I'm going here? When I tell my sister 'why don't you try turning the modem on and off again?' I'm not commanding her to do anything. I'm not overbearing, I'm putting forward a plan, a suggestion. And for those of you thinking, yes, I do phrase it with 'why don't you' every time. That wasn't sarcasm. It's a reflex for me. 
     The fact of the matter is that calling girls bossy (because if we stop to think about it; nobody really attributes it to boys), is hurtful to their 'good' kind of pride, and feelings. One or two remarks won't do it, but people can take it to extremes. In our minds, in my mind, it is not being commanding. It is trying to help remedy a situation with a solution that may not have crossed the other's mind. It's not controlling anything, it's not being imperious. If someone was truly pushy about people doing what they want, they would be referred to as pushy. When we see someone called bossy, it can do more damage than we think. It implies that the help you're offering is unwanted and scorned; to put it strongly. 
     When people contaminate a girl with the title 'bossy' to the effect where it drives her to not speak at all for days, that means it's gone too far. When I hear people who I know value me discussing my bossiness from another room in hushed tones, when someone tells me that I haven't been trying hard enough to keep the suggestions to myself, it hurts me in a way that I feel like is misunderstood. I feel like throwing something down on the floor and launching my arms wide. "Fine! I guess I'll shut up and never help again! Then I won't have to fail at not being bossy." 
     The fact of the matter is this: I am not over-bearing, and I am not domineering. I will suggest to you my idea, maybe explain if it's misunderstood, then let you handle it. Stepping back and taking a look at myself, I do NOT push people to do what I want. I'll let my sister handle it if she doesn't want to do what I suggest. Telling me I'm 'fond' of giving orders, or domineering, is not true. And when I hear it discussed from downstairs that I 'tell you what to do all the time' or I'm 'just like that; a first born', then excuse me, but you looked like you needed help and I was willing to offer it. 
     Think just a minute of telling young girls that they were 'helpful' or possibly even good at thinking of solutions. If she's snapping in a rude tone, then yeah, that deserves addressing. But considering the idea of highlighting the helpfulness of her suggestion will do a lot more, and drive her to achieve even more in the way of assistance. And when being helpful is something attributed to you, you will become more like the word helpful. Less like the officious, authoritarian everyone things you are. When we are described in a  way we like, we strive more to become like that. Praise will go a lot farther than criticism. Criticism drives you to pick out the bad spaces. Praise drives you to fill those bad spaces with good things. 

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